if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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