Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
