oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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