I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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