So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
What a dumb baby whore.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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