Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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