So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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