Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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