I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
