new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize