I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
