You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
