just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
