her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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