did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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