I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
