Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
