I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
