As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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