im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
FUCK WHALES
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
