ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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