Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
