Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
