when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
