I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
