I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
