You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The beer is more important than you right now.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
We smell like vodka and hangover
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