swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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