Who wears a wallet chain?!
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
