Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
