I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
