I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
