the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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