Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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