stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You were trust falling into bushes
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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