So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
