none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
