dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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