i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
