I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
