Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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