Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
