Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
