god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
It was confusing and full of hummus
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize