ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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