well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
