I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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