My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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