I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize