Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize