I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
don't judge my taste in strippers
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
