Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
