Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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