im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
