she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
