Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
