I smell stomach acid.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
where are you?
Hypothermia
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
