so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
