I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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