Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
