My nipple is on Facebook.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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