Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
