My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
