found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
