i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
