Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
