I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
