Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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