Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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